Lenny Owns You

For those of you who don't know who Lenny is, he's the guy who owns the appropriately-named "Lenny's", where I've been eating since I was three. Founded in the late eighties on West 84th Street in Manhattan, Lenny's makes sandwiches that piss all over any other sandwich ever made. The reason for this is because Lenny is a fanatical sandwich maker who is to sandwich makers what suicide bombers are to Muslims, and understands that an important part of a solid sandwich, aside from the taste itself, is that it's aesthetically pleasing. Because of this, he has a sort of "sandwich school", where aspiring sandwich makers learn why you need to put something between roast beef and fresh turkey on a sandwich, and other nitpicking specifics regarding the making of sandwiches that border on psychotic.

Because the Gods both smile upon and fear Lenny, Lenny has ten well-established restaurants in Manhattan (a place where the average restaurant lasts three months) and intends to have another ten within three and a half years, as well as a hundred restaurants in South Korea (the proud country blessed enough to have produced the one known as "Lenny"), the American Northeast (obviously excluding Manhattan, you schmuck), and the American Mid-Atlantic.

As if all this isn't enough, Lenny has recently caught on to his status as an emerging, popular new God, and is rumored to soon declare Manhattan the Mecca of Sandwiches, encouraging all sandwich lovers (and people who enjoy eating food for sustenance in general) to make a yearly pilgrimage to the City of New York, so that they may partake in holy experiences such as the stoning of the idols, which are ninety-foot high statues of pre-packaged 7/11 sandwiches with no condiments of any kind. Thousands are expected to be trampled in the proud and beautiful name of Lenny the Almighty, Sandwich God to all the Sandwich Kings, Lord of All the Cold Cuts of the Earth and Smoked Salmon of the Sea, Conquerer of Zeus on Mount Olympus and Ruler of All the Olympians in General, and Equal in Power to the Titans of Earth and Kronos in Particular.

http://www.lennysnyc.com/

P. S. - You're going to need some sides with that. Make sure to check out the roasted red potatoes and the macaroni and cheese; they're the fucking bomb.

P. P. S. - You're going to need some soup with that, too! The chicken noodle's pretty fucking good.